Healing Through Self Touch | Philadelphia Boudoir Photographer Cheyenne Gil
When I think back to the beginning of my own healing journey, I realize now that at that time I had no idea how impactful having certain practices would be for me. Looking back, I can see now how much those little practices I started implementing back then have changed me and have shown me my own self in so many ways. I still implement many of those things, and I’m still learning, trying, practicing every single day.
One of my favorite forms of self care is self-touch. For me, self-touch that is platonic, curious, and caring is always best and most effective.
Touch can feel scary for so many of us. We’ve been taught to disconnect from our bodies, and as fatphobia was crammed down our throats from the moment we’re born, many of us may feel that we don’t deserve the joys of touch, love, power, respect, etc.
It wasn’t until my very early 20’s that I started to connect more with my body in loving ways. I was seeing a therapist and learning how to talk to myself with care and curiosity - and not only that, but I was learning to speak to my body specifically in a way that was safe and beautiful. The journals I used to fill with such self deprecating talk were starting to fill up with love letters to myself and my body. I was starting to learn to weave that love into words, spoken out loud to myself in the mirror. And from there, I - for some reason - just started to lovingly touch my body.
As I started to touch, I would imagine a glowing white love filling up these places. And sometimes I would have to stop because it felt like a lie. This practice was sometimes really tough for me. There were plenty of tears of frustration. Plenty of “fuck this” moments. Plenty of times I slid back into such debilitating negative self talk.
But it’s a practice. So that’s what I did. I practiced.
And I still do.
All these years later, I touch my beautiful body as much as I can in order to connect with myself. All the creases and crevices. All the rolls. The dimples. The hair. The rough parts. The smooth parts. The stretch marks. The bumpy and the pimply parts. All of it. All over. And sometimes it’s difficult. But a lot of the time it’s truly glorious. Grounding. Spiritual. And delicious.
Touch as a form of self care may not be for everyone, or it may feel intimidating or impossible at this moment in your journey. That’s FINE! That’s great! Knowing is powerful.
If you are curious about dipping your toes into a platonic self-touch practice, though, I always love suggesting first taking a few deep breaths and grounding yourself, then start really simple - your face, the hair on your head, your knees, a gentle hand or foot massage, a hug for yourself. Always check in with how you’re feeling, and give yourself some tender grace if it feels too much and you want to stop - no big deal at all. You didn’t fail. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Approach this practice with curiosity and wonder. And again, always check in and see how you’re feeling. It may feel like you aren’t ready to continue the practice, and that’s fine. Or it may feel lovely and comforting, which is also fine. There’s no right or wrong!
